Marriage

Apropos of nothing, except that I attended a wedding yesterday ...

It occurred to me that when people talk about a marriage breaking down or a broken marriage, it is not really the marriage, per se, that is the problem, and certainly has nothing to do with the institution of marriage. It is the two people in the marriage that is the problem. Either they have stopped caring, stopped trying, or grown too far apart. In short, they have stopped working on their relationship and are thinking of themselves as individuals rather than part of a whole.

A relationship (and marriage is just a formalized and sanctioned relationship), like any other living thing in the universe, requires work to maintain and grow. If you stop feeding a pet it dies. If you stop watering a plant it withers. If you stop ... what? ... to a relationship it dies. That is the question isn't it? What is the analog of feeding and watering for a relationship? What kind of things does one do to maintain and grow a relationship? Unfortunately, it is not that simple. A relationship is an enormously complicated thing, and the particular needs of a relationship will vary with the relationship. I can not give you any prescription. You must figure yours out for yourself - that's if you still care about the relationship, of course.

One primary ingredient, though, is communication. There must be open and honest communication between you and your partner. Once you have that, other needs of the relationship will make itself known.

35 Steps to Achieving Your Goals

I've always wanted to do a "47 Ways To ..." list. Trouble is I could never come up with 2, maybe 3 on a good day, of any list. Well, things are about to change! I have been thinking long and hard on not just goal setting, but goal achieving. What does it take to actually achieve your goals and have come up with a good-sized list.

How many times have we heard that just by writing down your goals you are a bazillion times more likely to achieve them? But, of course, that advice doesn't go far enough; it has been truncated. The missing part is what I want to write about in this post. But, for completeness I will present the entire process, including the first:

1. Write down your goals.

Most of us know this already but do we know why this is the most important step? Because most of us will believe what is written more than what is heard. The written word has a sense of permanency, a sense of legitimacy.

On the practical side, if it's written down you won't forget it. That's why students, reporters, doctors, and others take notes. Until we get the 16TB implant in our brains, paper and pen is still the best way to help remember things.

2. Create an action plan.

Ho hum... Most of us have seen this one before too. If your goal is the destination, your action plan is the map with your route high-lighted, like the Trip TIK's you can (still) get from the local CAA (or AAA for those south of the border). If you're too young to remember Trip TIKs think of them as the paper version of Google Maps Driving Directions (Map view). Like your goals, the action plan must also be written down to be really effective.

Still with me? Good, 'cause here come the steps that most people leave out when talking about achieving goals. They are crucial but actually super easy to understand and remember. So easy, in fact, I don't even need to write any explanation for any of them. You will note, though, that some of them are identical and I would say "how observant". The important thing, though, is the order. You MUST do them in order.

So, without further ado or, indeed fanfare, here are the remaining 33 steps:

3. G
4. e
5. t
6.  
7. o
8. f
9. f
10.  
11. y
12. o
13. u
14. r
15.  
16. a
17. s
18. s
19.  
20. a
21. n
22. d
23.  
24. d
25. o
26.  
27. s
28. o
29. m
30. e
31. t
32. h
33. i
34. n
35. g

That's all.

"It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich -- these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it."

-- Samuel Clemens The Autobiography of Mark Twain

There is a fine line between believing in your dreams and believing your dreams. In the former you believe that your dreams can become a reality. In the latter your believe your dreams are already reality; has already happened.

Most of us have probably experienced the power comes with the words "I believe in you". If someone, especially someone you looked up to, came up to you and said those words to you, you instantly become more confident, stand taller, have more determination to work through whatever challenges are facing you just so you do not let them down. Analogously, saying those words to your dreams give them the same power, so to speak. You give them validity.

The problem is, of course, that if you believe something has already happened you will not put any effort into making it happen.